the intimacy in being considered/remembered

There’s just something subtly romantic in knowing someone considers and remembers you in everything

There’s just something subtly romantic in knowing someone considers and remembers you in everything. They’re reminded of you by little things. In the way your laughter echoed the walls because they knew how to make you laugh. The way you like your tea; not too hot, but not warm either. The thing that keeps you up a lot. The new obsession you recently got into that now, they can’t stop thinking about it too.

You indulge someone fully in a conversation about something that interests you and you notice how they lean in and focus their eyes on you all through the conversation, but they don’t make you feel uncomfortable. You’re just going on and on and this person, sitting beside you, carrying their jaw in their palm, listens because you’re important to them.

“Wait, what? No. He didn’t.”

“Yeah, it was so crazy. You know that place we were at when-”

“When you saw an alley cat and thought it wanted to attack you?”

“Yeah, omg. You still remember that?”

“Mm-hmm.”

You can’t go on after hearing that. You pause. You just…marvel at how they remembered that incident from five months ago. And what’s often crazy is you never even thought about it. That flashback was about some different place. But you just got a front row seat to witness the height of emotional intelligence and at the same time, you cannot believe it.

They remember little details about you that you often forget even telling them, or they remind you about it after a long time and it still makes you feel the same way as when you did it. It’s knowing that you’ve left a lasting memory in someone’s mind, to the point that even when you’re not there, they’re reminded of you in subtle ways.

“It’s a great shade of brown. You should get it”

“Yeah? You think so? How’d you know these things?”

“My girlfriend. Brown’s her… favorite color.”

I find that the most beautiful thing about consideration is in the intent. In how observant and committed you are in connecting with someone that you didn’t just make connection with them, you made memories in places you wouldn’t believe could last eternity without losing its meaning. In odd conversations, awkward moments, and sometimes in silence.

My friend replied to my text with a funny sticker, and I began laughing because back when we were still in high school, when she first sent it, I laughed so hard I lost my voice for three days. So, seeing it again after so long, brought back memories and we were just laughing.

Sometimes, we’d text each other while in class and talk confidently about our former classmates and the odd things we still find funny about them that most times, we were the only ones laughing at something no other person could understand. I wouldn’t text someone and expect to find it funny as when I do with her, because that’s the point of remembrance; sharing it with the person you made it with.

It’s always “remember when…”, “can you remember…” whenever you’re with the person you made those memories with, because that funny thing you keep laughing about as you walk back home from school or in a queue, waiting for a cup of coffee, or just sitting by yourself on a public bench, they’re the only ones who understand it.

People remember different things about other people, but you often find that the one thing they remember you for is something they’ve had to quietly observe you, enough to understand “he’s like this,” or “she does this because…”. It’s something that stays with them and can be the first thing they think about when they talk about you with others or when they remember you in what someone else does.

“You remind me so much of my best friend, she does this a lot too. Thank you.”

It’s easy to remember people for different things but choosing what you want to remember them for, that says a lot about your connection with them, not just memories of them or in “those moments.”

It’s easy to end up with people who love you because of one specific thing or the other, but the hardest part is often they having to keep up with remembering. You don’t want them to remember everything that happens in your life but the ones you both make together. Maybe it’s seeing rainbow the minute you both shared a kiss, a flower grow the soonest you opened your curtains for sunlight. Moments like those.

Because having to remind someone about certain things that they should now too, but keep dismissing, is tiring and often times, it doesn’t make space for new memories because the ones you shared wasn’t valued. And that often leaves a devastating impact on your relationship.

“I remember” is more romantic than “I love you.”

Someone telling you “I remember that about you..” feels like love. Out of all the things they could remember or could’ve forgotten, and you weren’t expecting them to be reminded of, they chose that one. The one where something awfully hilarious or annoying happens to you and it lives rent-free in their minds.

The gibberish you muttered in your sleep, which they caught on camera, the toilet paper stuck to your leg, and you didn’t know until later in the evening, your dress sticking out of the car door as you drove to work.

If you can sit with someone and they can recount these moments, that person really does love you, because it’s so hard for people to remember even the tiniest detail of someone, let alone an entire day from years ago.

The way you felt after reading that? That’s what it feels like.

The greatest, purest and most romantic gesture of all is the irreplaceable gift of remembering and being remembered.

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